My name is not “Bro”. I assure you that my mother did not pop me out, take one loving look into my eyes and decide I looked like a “Bro”. There is an idiot at my bar wearing a flat brimmed baseball cap with the team logo of a team this idiot has never heard of with tats covering his arms and a fat white watch he found in the back of some knock off van screaming repeatedly at the top of his idiot lungs, “Hey Bro”. I see you sitting at my bar watching this idiot wondering if I am “Bro” or if his buddy is “Bro” or if he has an extended network of brothers that don’t seem to respond to being called “Bro”. Don’t be mistaken, he is most certainly talking to me. However, I assure you “Bro” is not something you as a polite well-mannered bar patron should ever call me. I know, it’s hard to believe “Bro” is not my name when this idiot uses it like he’s an old buddy of mine who just happened to stroll into my bar and can’t wait to call me over to chat me up. That’s not the case, because if it was he would be saying “Hey Jon” and he definitely wouldn’t be repeatedly yelling this at the top of his lungs. I get it. This idiot is at a bar acting as if it’s his first time and wants a drink as fast as humanly possible because the faster he can get the first one and not tip the sooner he can chug it and order another one and not tip. There is a pecking order when it comes to who a bartender will serve and in what order. Yelling “Hey Bro”, “Bartender”, “Hey Sweety”, “Yo Dude”, “Barkeep” or “Garcon” repeatedly and at the top of your lungs assures you that you will permanently remain at the bottom of that pecking order. This idiot could walk up to an empty bar and if he attempts to call me to attention in such an abrupt or rude manner he will wait for his drink. Believe me, my hustling to serve that idiot a Bud Light with a shot of Jager for no tip is not my number one priority. The couple that walked up after the screaming idiot with a smile and a simple “Hello” is already paid and walking away, drinks in their hands before the idiot even realizes he got skipped because he were so damn busy yelling “Hey Bro”. My tip for you is to avoid people like the one I’ve described above at all costs. Leave the likes of them to me and the large man who stands on the door and keeps all of us drunks safe and happy as we laugh at the fool who can’t figure out why him and his “broes” glasses are empty.
Archive for September, 2011
No one has ever mistaken Rex Grossman for a Pro Bowl quarterback. In fact few believe he is even talented enough to be a starting quarterback. Not since his days at the University of Florida has Rex been considered great at his craft. He is a career backup most known for fumbling a way a Super Bowl as a Chicago Bear. The Washington Redskins and Mike Shanahan seem to be the exception to this rule. Mike and his son Kyle are putting faith in the dream that the first eight years of Rex’s career were an aberration. They hope that Rex has what it takes to lead a team to a championship. I, as a life long Redskins fan do not share this faith. In fact I believe this decision is delusional. If it looks like a backup quarterback and throws like a backup quarterback, then guess what, it’s a backup quarterback. I am not saying that John Beck was John Elway this preseason but you have to give the kid a chance. The stats between the two of them were almost identical so neither guy truly won the job. We already know what Rex can do so why not see if John Beck has the potential to be what we already know Rex isn’t, a franchise quarterback. That position hasn’t been filled in DC since a coke frenzied Lawrence Taylor snapped Joe Theismann’s leg twenty-six years ago. A franchise without a quarterback is a joke and that’s what my beloved Redskins have become. Since buying the team 1999 all Daniel Snyder has done is meddle in football operations of his team. For twelve years Redskins fans have cursed him for this. Now, as we are less than a week away from playing a divisional rival with the eyes of the country on us where is his meddling? Is he happy with Rex Grossman as his starting quarterback? I can’t imagine he is. I wonder how he feels when he has to tell people that Rex Grossman is his starting quarterback. I know how I feel, embarrassed.