Te-Bowned

ESPN has recently announced that they will be starting a new channel called ESPN-BOW. It will be a channel that is totally dedicated to Tim Tebow. Viewers will get to follow him into the locker room for behind the scenes footage. They will get to watch him practice intently. Trips to the grocery store with Tim will be miked up. When Tim attends church a transcript of his personal prayers will run across the screen in a feature called the Godly Line. If Tim Tebow shits, which Sportscenter is still investigating if he actually does something that vile, ESPN-BOW viewers will be sitting on the toilet right next to Timmy! That’s right for all the Tebow fans who believe the 23 hours regular ESPN spends on Tim Tebow isn’t enough now you get twenty-four hours of Tebow time!

Seriously, is anyone else sick of Tebow-mania? The bottom line is Tebow isn’t that good, nor is he as bad as some people might have led you to believe in the past. The truth is he is a second-year quarterback who plays more like a fullback. Tebow’s 6-2 record as a starter can mostly be attributed to a strong defense that does not give up a lot of points and a ferocious running game that leads the league in rushing, averaging 156 yards a game. Tebow, is of course a big part of that rushing game. He is ranked 32nd in the league in rushing. He averages 5.5 yards a carry and 47 yards a game. Unfortunately Tebow only averages 117 yards passing per game. That’s the lowest average of any starter in the league. Part of Tebow’s lack of aerial numbers can be attributed to the Broncos change of offensive scheme once Tebow took over. John Fox and offensive coordinator Mike McCoy have done an amazing job playing towards Tebow’s strength which is running the ball. The Broncos after getting off to a 1-4 start are now in the driver’s seat in the AFC West. Tim Tebow is absolutely a big part of that. He is a leader who seems to win everywhere he goes and that’s contagious. He has infected the locker room as well as the entire fan base with a sense that they will win no matter who they play. When the game needs to be won in the fourth quarter he always seems to step up and his teammates believe in him supremely.  Eventually though, Tebow will have to develop as a more complete player. This past weekend against the Patriots it was obvious that when faced with high-class offensive opposition the Broncos conservative offensive approach couldn’t compete for four quarters. Tebow went 11 of 22 for 194 yards and led Denver with 93 yards on 12 carries scoring two touchdowns with his feet. That’s a great stat line and Denver’s 23 points would have been enough to beat most of the mediocre teams in the NFL. However, the NFL has changed. It is now a score first play defense later league where big-time quarterbacks seem to complete passes at will. The former golden boy before Tebow arrived, Tom Brady, went 23 of 34 for 320 yards and 2 scores. That is the new NFL and if Tebow wants to be a part of it someone is going to have to teach him to throw. Despite what ESPN would have you believe being white and loving God aren’t enough to make someone a successful NFL quarterback.

Don’t worry Tebow freaks because ESPN owns the world and your Tebow-fix is about to be even more satiated with the new ESPN-BOW. Now you can have Tim Tebow at your fingertips for 24 hours a day 7 days a week and 365 days a year. Hallelujah and all hail ESPN’s saintly son the mighty Tim Tebow.

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One Response to “Te-Bowned”

  1. sasoc Says:

    Poor Brady, no rings and 0-1 in honest Superbowls. I’ll bet Tebow wins a ring before Brady does.

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