Posts Tagged ‘redskins’

WE WANT DALLAS

December 28, 2012

My earliest memory as a young football fan is sitting at the dinner table with my family and just as my father goes to take a bite of his steak I lean over and say, “Dad, I think I want to be a Dallas Cowboys fan.”

Upon hearing these words my dad immediately dropped his fork. It made a loud clanging noise as it struck the side of his plate on its way down to the floor. My father’s face twisted in a mixture of anger and disgust. I looked over at my mother. She wore a nervous look on her face. I looked back to my father. He was staring right at me. He leaned slowly over to me.

“Cowboy fans aren’t welcome at this table so I believe you best apologize for that statement or spend the rest of your days starving.”

I quickly retracted my words. I had not been serious. My football allegiance was with the Washington Redskins just the same as my father’s. I had only been trying to get a rise out of the old man, but that plan backfired greatly. What I might not have grasped entirely that day but came to understand over the years was that the worst thing a Redskins fan could hear about their only son was that he turned out to be a Cowboys fan. What I did learn that day was that Dallas was the enemy and even joking about rooting for them was unacceptable.

The Washington Redskins and Dallas Cowboys have been playing each other in football since 1960 and over the past 52 years a strong hatred between the two teams has been forged. Dallas is known as America’s team, but to Redskins fans everywhere they represent pure evil. This evil starts with owner Jerry Jones who if I came across on the street and he was on fire I would piss on him to put him out and then relight him on fire just to have experienced the honor of pissing on him.

Both franchises have had their ups and downs. Between 1980, the year I was born, and 1992 the Redskins won three Super bowls in four tries. Between 1992 and 1996 the criminal Cowboys led by captain cocaine Michael Irvin, that dumb blond quarterback Troy Aikman and the invincible Emmitt Smith won three out of four Super Bowls.

Since then the Redskins have been a joke on almost a yearly basis while the Cowboys haven’t been much better. Despite this lack of recent success the rivalry has only gotten more and more bitter. When teams are winning championships losing to a rival is acceptable. When you can barely make the playoffs playing your rival is the biggest game of the year every time you play.

As a Redskins fan we live for Dallas week. We want Dallas every week because every time we beat them feels like the first time. Hatred can do things to a man and in the case of Redskins nation it has made us crave every chance we can get at crushing the Cowboys competitive spirit. While the pain of losing to Dallas can be crippling it can never compare to the joy of beating them.

That’s why Redskin fans everywhere are thanking Santa this year. Not only is the week of Christmas this year Dallas week, this particular game means even more. The winner this Sunday night in Landover , MD wins the NFC East title and a berth in the playoffs, the loser goes home left to stew over being eliminated by their most bitter of rivals all off season long.

The Cowboys come in winners of five of their last seven led by doctor domestic abuse Dez Bryant and that even dumber brunette quarterback Tony Romo. The Redskins come in winners of their last six led by the best player in the league Robert Griffin III and the best linebacker not named Ray Lewis to play in the NFL over the past sixteen years, London Fletcher.

Someone insisted to me the other day that the Redskins would be better off if their season depended on them beating some last place team we could roll over without a worry at all. They went on and on how playing a divisional foe with so much on the line was not really the most ideal scenario for my burgundy and gold brethren to face. I listened patiently and waited for them to finish. When they did all I said were three words: “WE WANT DALLAS” because not making the playoffs is worth it just to have a chance at not only beating Dallas but to be the ones to end their season.

This latest installation of Redskins versus Cowboys promises to be one of the most memorable of all time. The forecast calls for snow and FedEx Field Field promises to be so loud Jerry Jones might actually be able to hear fans chants without his diamond encrusted hearing aid.

The powers that be have flexed this game into the prime time slot. By kickoff time every franchise other than Washington and Dallas will have played their last regular season game. If you are a fan of one of these other teams that have either locked up a playoff spot or are solidifying top ten draft picks I encourage you not to just watch this Redskins Cowboys game, but to embrace a fifty-two year old hatred that only grows stronger with time. There is always room on the Redskins Fan Wagon but be warned it’s Dallas week which means you always keep your head on a swivel and you need to always be prepared to join Redskins fans everywhere as they chant loudly and proudly, “WE WANT DALLAS.”

HAIL TO THE REDSKINS! BUY MY BOOK LOVE LIFE BY CLICKING ON THE LOVE LIFE LINK UP AND TO THE RIGHT FROM HERE!

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Officially Awful

September 26, 2012

I made myself two promises at the beginning of this football season. One was that I wasn’t going to freak out about Robert Griffin III just because he had a few good games. As a Redskins fan we have been searching for a quarterback ever since a coke-crazed underage prostitute banging Lawrence Taylor snapped Joe Theismann’s  leg in two. Names such as Heath Shuler, Gus Frerotte, John Beck, John Friesz, Mark Brunell and Rex Grossman (aka RG1) still send shivers down my spine. The Redskin’s past failures at the most important position in all of sports is what led me to promise myself to be overly patient with RG3.

My second promise was that I wasn’t going to freak out about the replacement referees if they had a few bad games. They are after all human and are allowed to make mistakes just like the rest of us. These scabs have been put in a difficult position and I originally wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. After three weeks of football that barely resembles the sport I have grown to love I have decided that neither the league nor the replacement referees deserves anything but doubt.

Every game has been marred by bad calls, confusion and a pace that makes baseball look like the hundred yard dash. Fans are suffering from heart burn and frustration after each erroneous flag that requires a ten minute huddle that results in a bullshit roughing the passer call. Gamblers are losing money and possibly limbs every time a scab overrules another scab and gives games away because the home crowd told him to. Not to mention that most of these games because a lack of control by the officials have at times been both boring and damn near unwatchable.

Do you hear that Roger Goodell and all you old rich white men? If not, consider this a newsflash for all NFL owners and their commissioner who care much more about making ridiculous amounts of money than the players whose backs have been broken and fans whose wallets have been emptied on the way to building the NFL into an empire rather than a corporation, your product is boring. Unfortunately the NFL has such a stranglehold over the American public that players and fans the people who truly make the league what it is have no say or control over the future of the sport.

All the power lies in Goodell and the owners hands despite the fact that the money that is generated has nothing to do with anything they do. When was the last time you shelled out $150 for a Chargers game because you wanted to see Dean Spanos. The only reason a Charger fan would pay to see Dean Spanos was if he was in a dunk tank with a bulls eye behind him and the water below was swarming with old rich white man craving piranhas.

Goodell believed he could use his immense power to fuck the real referees and when they refused to be treated like cattle he puffed out his chest and turned this lockout into a pissing contest. Now I will not lie, when I first heard that the real referees were out I barely batted an eye. Whether I did so out of hope or stupidity I was wrong and knew so as soon as week one was over. The experiment in my opinion was over and it had failed, miserably.

Not Goodell. He went out of his way to support these scabs who can’t even remember whether intentional grounding is on the quarterback or safety.  Week two and the scabs were even worse and the games even harder to watch. Blinded by ignorance and arrogance Goodell continued to support the scabs and went as far as writing a letter to each organization threatening coaches who he thought were berating the scabs. Guess what? Week three was worse than anyone could have imagined yet Goodell is still posturing. It’s a shame because this season has a lot of great storylines but the only topic anyone is talking about is the atrocious officiating.

One of those great stories is Robert Griffin III. My personal promise to remain patient about this kid disappeared the moment he connected on an 80 yard touchdown to my favorite waiter Pierre Garcon.  RG3 is for real and has shown the potential to be one of the elite players in this league for a very long time.

Now I know this has only been over a three game span, but in those three games RG3 is 60 for 89 for 747 yards with four touchdowns and one interception. He is averaging eight yards a pass, completing 67% of his passes for a quarterback rating of 103.5. He has also rushed the ball for 209 yards averaging six yards a carry and has scored four times on the ground. To put that in perspective Tom Brady is completing 66% of his passes averaging seven yards a pass. Brady has thrown the same number of touchdowns and interceptions and has a quarterback rating of 97 without the rushing yards or touchdowns.

With numbers like that along with his intelligence and charisma the only thing that could possibly stop RG3 from being a superstar is the threat of injury. Football is a violent sport especially for a quarterback who likes to run and every time you leave the pocket the risk for injury increases. Another way to increase the threat of injury to your quarterback is for a coach or offensive coordinator to call plays that put that player directly in harm’s way.

What that means is this is the NFL not the ACC and many a quarterbacks have been crushed in the past to prove that the triple option doesn’t work in the pros. These defensive players are too fast and smart to fall for an offense that even college has gone away from. This is not the Air Force Academy Kyle and Mike Shanahan and if you continue to allow the defense to take free shots at RG3 then either he will get hurt or the fans will eventually run you out of town. To see a kid with this much potential get hurt because his coach can’t come up with an NFL ready game plan would be a disgrace.

This young NFL season has already seen enough disgrace over three weeks to last a lifetime. Games have been decided not by the players us fans pay to see but by old rich white men and scab officials who don’t know their asshole from their elbow. If this farce of a lockout continues fans will stop watching games. It won’t be immediate Roger Goodell but when it happens it will be swift. You may think the average fan is a moron but I believe that your greed and arrogance will eventually ruin the sport we thought never could be and the morons you care so little about will find other ways to entertain themselves.

Re-adressing Rex

October 9, 2011

I was hoping to order a piece of humble pie today. What I wanted more than anything was to stand up and yell “I was wrong!” as loud as I possibly could. Nothing would have made me happier in week 5 of the NFL season then to admit that I wouldn’t know a successful NFL Quarterback if one hit me in the face with a spiral. Rex Grossman ruined all that by being, well, Rex Grossman . To say I am underwhelmed by Rex’s performance is an understatement, but for all truthful purposes my dismay with Rex so far this year should have an asterisk beside it. I don’t like to admit that fact, but at 3-1 any Redskin fan who isn’t two clouds below nine should seek serious mental therapy immediately. This is a team picked by most to be one of the worst in the league and here they are sitting atop the NFC East with a game in hand over the hated New York Giants. I will be the first to admit the East is weak, but first place is still first place. The question is are the Redskins winning with Rex or despite him? Any Redskin fan worth his weight in Burgundy and Gold will tell you it is the latter. Rex started strong but is slowly turning into the careless, inadequate, slow-footed and dim-witted turnover machine we have all grown to hate. This is not to say that I am a John Beck guy. I could be with enough whiskey in me, but my sober and realistic allegiance falls with Tim Hightower, Ryan Torain, Roy Helu and the entire Redskins defense. Those are the guys that have made the Redskins 3-1 and they are the ones who will keep Washington competitive throughout the rest of the NFL season. This division is weak. The so-called dream team in Philadelphia are two losses away from being no more than ESPN’s off-season hype champions. Tony Romo’s repeated meltdowns are indeed “hilarious” as stated by My Favorite Redskin Chris Cooley, and if they continue the Cowboys will be no more than comic relief for the rest of the season. The New York  Giants look strong up the middle both on offense and defense, but is anyone really afraid of Eli Manning? This may sound crazy but the Redskins winning the NFC East is not out of the realm of possibility. So do me a favor Shanahan’s, make Joe Gibbs and my father happy, run the ball. As long as we do that and our defense continues to dominate the line of scrimmage we will be in this race until the very end. To Rex all I can say is channel your inner Trent Dilfer and stay out of the rest of teams way.

Not impressed with Rex

September 6, 2011

No one has ever mistaken Rex Grossman for a Pro Bowl quarterback. In fact few believe he is even talented enough to be a starting quarterback. Not since his days at the University of Florida has Rex been considered great at his craft. He is a career backup most known for fumbling a way a Super Bowl as a Chicago Bear. The Washington Redskins and Mike Shanahan seem to be the exception to this rule. Mike and his son Kyle are putting faith in the dream that the first eight years of Rex’s career were an aberration. They hope that Rex has what it takes to lead a team to a championship. I, as a life long Redskins fan do not share this faith. In fact I believe this decision is delusional. If it looks like a backup quarterback and throws like a backup quarterback, then guess what, it’s a backup quarterback. I am not saying that John Beck was John Elway this preseason but you have to give the kid a chance. The stats between the two of them were almost identical so neither guy truly won the job. We already know what Rex can do so why not see if John Beck has the potential to be what we already know Rex isn’t, a franchise quarterback. That position hasn’t been filled in DC since a coke frenzied Lawrence Taylor snapped Joe Theismann’s leg  twenty-six years ago. A franchise without a quarterback  is a joke and that’s what my beloved Redskins have become. Since buying the team 1999 all Daniel Snyder has done is meddle in football operations of his team. For twelve years Redskins fans have cursed him for this. Now, as we are less than a week away from playing a divisional rival with the eyes of the country on us where is his meddling? Is he happy with Rex Grossman as his starting quarterback? I can’t imagine he is. I wonder how he feels when he has to tell people that Rex Grossman is his starting quarterback. I know how I feel, embarrassed.


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